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The Truth: An Eye-Opening Odyssey Through Love Addiction, Sex Addiction, and Extraordinary Relationships, by Neil Strauss
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Review
“One of the 33 books you need to read before the age of 30.” (The Independent)“One of the 9 books that defined 2015.” (Tech Insider)“A brutally honest and emotionally exhaustive account of his search for sexual freedom. . . . Yes, there are orgies and swinger parties, but there are also far more intense discussions about the meaning of intimacy and the underlying causes of sexual behavior.” (Booklist)“[Strauss] charms us with confessions of his screwed-up childhood and the many idiotic beliefs and mistakes that have plagued him, then upsells us on the notion that we can be masters of the universe-and he can teach us how. Color me seduced.” (Laura Miller, Slate)“The guy who wrote The Game and lived The Game searches for love and learns that it’s way, way harder. And funnier.” (Joel Stein, Time magazine)“The Truth is fantastic...In the course of exorcising his pickup artist demons, Strauss learns and exposes the barriers to intimacy that so many of us are carrying around. If you’ve struggled with monogamy, or loved someone who has, this book is revelatory.” (Chicago Tribune)“The epiphanies revealed are simultaneously incredibly obvious and richly profound... I want you to read this book. I want your partners to read this book. More than that, I want you to think critically about what it says about you and the world around you and your romantic relationships.” (Grantland)
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From the Back Cover
In this highly acclaimed classic, New York Times and Rolling Stone journalist Neil Strauss embarks on a deeply personal quest to understand how to make relationships work. And to discover why infidelity, divorce, and marital unhappiness rates are so high—and what we can do about it. He explores love addiction and love avoidance; sex addiction and sex anorexia; enmeshment and abandonment; and, most important, why so many people attract the partners most likely to wound them. What he discovers about himself—and what you will discover about yourself and your partners from reading this—will change the way you date, love, and commit. It will also change your most central relationship: the one you have with yourself. “The sins of the parents are the destinies of their children,” he writes. “Unless the children wake up and do something about it.”
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Product details
Paperback: 448 pages
Publisher: Dey Street Books; Reprint edition (May 1, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0062848305
ISBN-13: 978-0062848307
Product Dimensions:
6 x 1.1 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.6 out of 5 stars
345 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#59,492 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Few books have been read more than once by me and "The Truth" by Neil Strauss is in that list. As with Esther Perel's books, although of an autobiographical style, Strauss deftly blends blunt language (Strauss is more crass) with the clever. "Guilt is just about your behavior. Shame is about who you are," will remain me throughout my life. I've actually been experimenting with the idea this book somehow stimulated (along with Dr. Perel's): shame often leads to perversion.Trauma and shame are at the center of this sometimes lurid story. We laugh at and hurt with Strauss as he explores relationship configurations that he hopes will meet his idealistic expectations, and questions those expectations as he confronts the shame resulting from his trauma.Just as Strauss at one point realizes that he doesn't feel THAT much guilt about his transgressions, I feel just a bit of hesitation as I type, "This is a fun book to read!" Props to Strauss for focusing on The Truth as we all confront a reality of an aging marital constitution associated with a 50% divorce rate according to some and possibly a similar rate of infidelity. In pursuing the truth, Strauss reveals elements about his life and thinking that are disturbing, and sometimes familiar to many of us. Where he deviates from the decisions most of us make is in his courageous and accidentally self-sacrificing action. We can learn from his mistakes and at least vicariously enjoy his successes.A few quotes that I want to share:* "In the pages that follow, I attempt to solve a much tougher life dilemma: What should I do after she likes me back?"* They don’t care about you. These are hurt and abused women. And you’re reenacting their childhood trauma."* "90 percent of sex addicts entering treatment are men because guys tend to act out, while roughly 90 percent of people with eating disorders are women because they tend to act in."* It’s people with compulsive behaviors who change the world."* "[...] trauma compromises the brain area that communicates the physical, embodied feeling of being alive" (from a book The Truth inspired me to read, "The Body Keeps The Score" by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.). Strauss breaks rules so including this quote feels appropriate enough. I read in Strauss's writing, and Esther Perel's more explicitly, that people often cheat to feel more alive.Finally, thank you Neil for including "An Incomplete Guide to Love for the Incomplete Man".
This book messed me up, and I'm grateful for that.More accurately, it helped me realize that I was already a lot more messed up than I'm comfortable admitting.I never read his earlier Pickup books, and lived a life that's nothing like a sex addict's, so when this came recommended from some people I respect, I wondered if there was anything in it for me.The Truth is an insanely vulnerable, honest, and introspective dive into what it's like to be a broken, traumatized person, and the paths that wind both forward and backward on the way to self improvement and self acceptance. And they're a meditation on why that impossible seeming journey might actually be worthwhile.I got through 450 pages in 3 nights. It was enrapturing. Through the author's brave confrontations of the seemingly cliche origins of his misbehaviors (is it REALLY all about childhood and your parents and Freudian tropes? Yep!), I followed a similar path to some of my own unpleasant truths, that were very different in origin, and yet so similarly damaging. The honesty with which he embraced his hard truths helped me to stop being dismissive of my own.Sometimes someone tells you something you don't want to hear, but that you undeniably need to. This is one of those times.Thanks Neil.
I remember stumbling across the author's other book, The Game, a few years ago. I'm a woman and the description of the book immediately made me think of this womanizing ex-coworker of mine, who used to brag about his conquests as if he's reaping the rewards of the unresolved daddy issues of these beautiful women. And it all worked because he knew a thing or two about manipulation and games. Needless to say, I rolled my eyes and move on with my online book shopping never expecting to read any of his books. Recently, an author I do like and subscribe to, sent an email about this book and bits and pieces from the book. I got a bit intrigued and decided to purchase this to diversify my book collection, which is starting to look lopsided subject-wise. When the book arrived, I started to read it and couldn't put it down.The Truth is intriguing, funny, heartfelt, sometimes annoying and whiny, sometimes makes you want to go up to the author and smack him upside his bald head, and other times you root for him, empathize, and sympathize. And truthfully, you want the happy ending. It is a roller coaster ride of monogamy, psychotherapy, various alternative relationships, orgies, and harems. The author has the writing ability to take you on a journey with him as he bares the entirely human side of him, flaws and all. He is not always like-able but you stick around to see what happens to him. And sprinkled throughout the book are some interesting situations that you wouldn't otherwise witness, some thought provoking questions, and bits and pieces about attachment theory and psychotherapy that the reader can think about and look into while reading this book.The author has a simplistic style of writing and it is an enjoyable book to read. However, there are times his self-deprecating humor goes too far and it can become self-loathing. He sometimes put himself in situations that are obviously bad and selfish but he does it anyway, other times he's this awkward guy that starts to annoy you, or he whines and self loathes for pages and you just want to swiftly kick his behind. Then you realize, this is a book about one man's journey in figuring himself out and what type of relationship he wants to have in his life so he's not going to get his poop together until he figures some things out. Along the (mis)adventures of Neil Strauss, you do get some laugh out loud moments, some eye opening moments, and some thought provoking moments. I never thought I would say this but I would recommend reading this book.
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